Overprotective parents not necessarily off base

QUESTION: I have a friend who guards her kids as if they were in mortal danger. I feel like she should let them spread their wings a little, even though they’re only 9 and 11 years of age. Who do you think is right?

DR. DOBSON: Two decades ago I would have suggested that she give them space, because overprotection of children creates some characteristic problems. Today, however, I have to agree with your friend. The environment in which kids are being raised has changed dramatically in recent years.

Unspeakable dangers haunt our schools and streets that were almost unheard of a generation ago. Yesterday’s families didn’t worry much about drive-by shootings, illegal drugs, sexual molesters and kidnappers.

When I was a kid in the early 1950s, my folks were more concerned about a disease called polio than all sources of violence combined. As a 10-year-old, I moved freely around my hometown. If I was a half-hour late coming home for dinner, the Dobson household was not seized by panic. But now we worry about our kids playing in the front yard.

Indeed, little Polly Klaas was abducted in 1993 from her bedroom, and then was brutally murdered for the perverse pleasure of her killer. When that horrible news broke, a collective shudder was felt by every loving parent in the nation.

Three years later, beautiful little 6-year-old JonBenet Ramsey was sexually assaulted and beaten to death in the basement of her own home on Christmas night, 1996.

In the years since, tens of thousands of other children have been murdered and abducted. During my term of service on the Attorney General’s Board on Missing and Exploited Children, I was dismayed by what I saw happening to innocent boys and girls.

There was a time when the culture interceded on behalf of kids to protect them from anything harmful or immoral. Movies were censored, music was monitored, and young couples were chaperoned. But this current generation is exposed to every kind of evil and violence.

Some boys and girls live in a combat zone. More American children are shot per year than are police officers!

Parents in some inner-city neighborhoods make their kids sleep in bathtubs to protect them from stray bullets crashing through the walls.

Some mothers keep short leashes on their little ones when walking through malls to protect them from potential molesters.

Instruction is given to wide-eyed preschoolers on how to scream when approached by a stranger, and how to report unwelcome touches. Many children spend their after-school hours behind bolted doors and barred windows.

How can parents protect their precious children? By watching them every moment! Never leave them in the care of those whom you don’t know personally and aren’t sure you can trust.

Do not let teenage boys baby-sit your girls. I know that is a controversial recommendation, but I’ve seen too many tragic cases of abuse resulting from masculine adolescence and the sexual curiosity that is typical of that age.

Walk your kids to and from school or the school bus. Pick them up on time. Watch for any unusual behavior that may signal sexual abuse or molestation from neighbors or childcare workers. Protect them at every turn.

Does that sound unnecessarily cautious? Just remember this: The average pedophile abuses 150 children in the course of a lifetime. Each sexual exploitation lasts for seven years, typically, before the truth comes to light. Boys and girls are often too intimidated to call for help. Don’t give a child abuser a shot at your kids.

Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903; or www.family.org.

Questions and answers are excerpted from The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide and Bringing Up Boys, both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2006 James Dobson Inc.