QUESTION: I find I’m more likely to say “no” to my children than to say “yes,” even when I don’t feel strongly about the permission they are seeking. I wonder why I automatically respond so negatively.

DR. DOBSON: It is easy to fall into the habit of saying “no” to our kids.

“No, you can’t go outside.”

“No, you can’t have a cookie.”

“No, you can’t use the telephone.”

“No, you can’t spend the night with a friend.”

We could have answered affirmatively to all of these requests, but chose almost automatically to respond in the negative. Why? Because we didn’t take time to stop and think about the consequences; because the activity could cause us more work or strain; because there could be danger in the request; because our children ask for a thousand favors a day and we find it convenient to refuse them all.

While every child needs to be acquainted with denial of some of his or her more extravagant wishes, there is also a need for parents to consider each request on its own merit. There are so many necessary “nos” in life that we should say “yes” whenever we can.

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QUESTION: Tell me why it is inevitable for couples with good marriages to go through “flat spots” or “the blahs,” and can you offer more advice about what to do when those times come?

DR. DOBSON: Romantic love is an emotion, and as such, it has a way of coming and going. Emotions tend to oscillate from high to low to high, etc. One of the best ways to regenerate “that lovin’ feeling” in the down times is to talk about the times and places when passion ran high.

Do you recall those days when you just couldn’t wait to see each other, and how each minute apart seemed like an eternity? Recalling those moments together is one way to regenerate what you felt before.

Even better than talking about them is re-experiencing them. My wife and I celebrated a recent wedding anniversary by exploring what we called our “old haunts.” On a single evening, we went to the theater where we had our second date; we ate at the same restaurant for dinner. The next week we visited the farmer’s market where we used to stroll on lazy summer evenings. We talked about warm memories and relived the excitement of those days. It was a wonderful reprise.

Another suggestion is to return regularly to the kinds of romantic activities that drew you together in the first place. Couples need to put some fun and laughter into their lives, which otherwise can get dreary and oppressive.

A few years ago, Shirley and I found ourselves in that kind of situation where we had almost forgotten how to play. We finally got fed up and decided to do something about it. We loaded the car and headed for a winter wonderland in the mountains. There we spent the weekend skiing, eating and laughing together. That night, we built a fire in the fireplace and talked for hours while our favorite music played on the stereo. We felt like kids again.

The next time you feel that you’re losing that closeness you once shared, try talking about your memories of earlier days and revisit the old haunts, sing the old songs, tell the old stories. It’s the best bet to rekindle the sparks of romance that first drew you together.

To keep a marriage vibrant and healthy, you simply have to give it some attention. Water the plant, place it in the sunlight, and it will grow. If you put it in a cold, dark corner, however, it is likely to die.

With a little effort and creativity, you can keep the fireworks in your marriage ... even when the 4th of July has come and gone.

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Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903; or www.family.org. Questions and answers are excerpted from “The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2007 James Dobson Inc.