July 17, 2025
Let’s be honest — leading a small group can feel a lot like baptizing a squirrel. It is messy, a lot of moving parts, and not much being accomplished! Between prayer requests about Aunt Bobbie Sue’s bunions and that one guy who always shows up 20 minutes late with tacos, it’s easy to forget what really matters. But, while the snacks may change and the group chat may never be read, there are at least four things that a group leader should never leave unsaid. These aren’t just spiritual soundbites — they’re life-giving truths that build real relationships and deepen one’s sense of community.
Thank You
Gratitude builds authentic connections that reflect Christ’s love. A heartfelt “thank you” can transform a busy church member’s day, affirm a friend’s loyalty, or remind your loved one that they are not invisible. Without it, we reduce relationships to transactions.
Maturing disciples find that thankfulness costs nothing but holds greater value than gold. And yet, if left unsaid, it’s like buying flowers but forgetting to deliver them. Bobby Morford, my former youth pastor, who passed during COVID, once said, “Gratitude unspoken is a blessing unopened. Don’t leave people wondering.”
You are Loved
These may be the most impactful words that one can share with their small group. “You are loved” reminds people that they matter and that they belong — not just for what they do, but for who they are. Group leaders must always remember, even when it’s messy, people—not programs—lie at the heart of our mission.
Life is unpredictable, so never assume that people know how you feel. Say it in the morning with coffee or over burnt toast. Say it at the beginning of a celebration or at the end of an argument. Because love concealed is a love denied and one day, it will be the last time you get the opportunity.
I Am Proud of You.
Public encouragement and praise fuels the soul. Children, spouses, friends, co-workers, small group members — they all need to hear it. “I am proud of you” doesn’t mean “you’re perfect” and is not meant to be spoken flippantly. The phrase simply means that “I see and celebrate your effort.”
Finding a way to build this statement into the regular rhythm of your conversation or bible lesson can become a transformative teaching tool. Say it early and often. Because, silence breeds doubt, but affirmation breeds confidence.
It's okay to not be okay — but it’s not okay if you stay that way.
Life can be hard; really hard. No one expects you to fake perfection. Jesus never tells us that we must have it all together before we come to Him. Letting group members know that it’s ok to not be ok will help create a safe environment for honest discussion and perhaps, healing.
Realizing that you are broken isn’t the problem. Staying broken is the problem.
Choosing to remain stuck in our pain or self-pity should never be an option. Guide your group members to grasp a first step toward wellness, which may simply be to acknowledge that they are not ok, and that truly is ok!
Conclusion
Four simple phrases. Twenty-five powerful words. A lifetime of difference. Don’t wait for a eulogy to say what needs to be said. These statements may save a relationship or build community in your small group that can foster healing and provide a picture of the Church that an unbelieving world will see as believable.
If you would like help building a healthy small group or Sunday School culture in your local church, contact us today. Our team looks forward to serving you! ssullivan@gabaptist.org.
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Dr. Scott Sullivan has served as the Discipleship Catalyst at the Georgia Baptist Mission Board since 2019.
