March 27, 2025
It’s Sunday afternoon at your church, and everyone has gathered for a potluck. All the food offerings at the event are laid out properly, from deviled eggs to three types of mac and cheese, from cookies still in their plastic containers from the store to fresh famous banana pudding from your most tenured potluck contributor. As you turn to sit down, you see a single adult at their table for one in the corner.
You immediately forgo your typical lunch table, sit with this single adult, and start to make small talk about life, work, and any fun trips ahead. Then, you make your pastoral transition to the actual topic at hand. “You’re too nice to be single, so why haven’t you found someone? Have you tried online dating? I know several happy couples who met on an app and are still married today.”
Your heart is genuine and wants happiness for your parishioner. But their face gazes back at you as if you said something wrong. But what was it? It might help to see things from a single’s perspective and how they feel, like in this video.
Dating singles are those actively seeking a relationship with another single adult. One thing to remember is not all singles are dating or want to date in their current season. Singles get frustrated, whether they admit it or not, when you assume they're in dating season. It’s also discouraging for singles to find happiness tied to marriage as something they don’t have but want in their lives. So, how do we, as the church, navigate dating and online dating?
Happiness is found in trusting in the Lord. Well-meaning friends, family, and church members say, “I just want you to be happy” to young adults and singles. They’re most likely married or were married for an extended period in a healthy marriage. I get it. But your friend, co-worker, child, or grandchild needs to hear affirmation that they can be happy, trust in Jesus, and be complete in Christ. A slight change in vocabulary can communicate your desire to help them find someone if they’re looking rather than assuming their current stage of being single, alone, and unhappy.
Our race to the finish line is defined in Philippians 3:14, when we, as believers, are called up to join Jesus in heaven. Marriage is fantastic but so is being called where you are as a single adult, according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9. We need to accept people where God has them now and not assume what they need or must have in their lives. As the church, we should expect to speak about dating and cohabitation more in the foreseeable future, given the following statistics.
The topic of dating varies by nation, culture, and current events. Dating is a product of romanticism, a significant part of our American heritage. It’s seen in events like the COVID-19 pandemic, where those looking to date were cut off from human interactions. Even when they returned, many were unsure how to reenter the dating world. Should they take a COVID test to go on a date? Could they hold hands? In 2025, those things are in history books, but the habits formed in those years have profoundly affected dating.
Pastors should focus on the Word of God as our source of truth when addressing online dating. While the Bible doesn’t mention dating, it speaks to relationships, love, and marriage — defining biblical love (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) and teaching the priority of God in relationships (Matthew 6:33) and purity through self-control (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
When we see dating through the lens of discipleship, we find a path that leads to Jesus, not just a potential mate. It’s about embarking on a journey of sanctification to become more like Jesus and maybe dating someone else doing the same. Dating singles will connect in the local in-person church while simultaneously connecting through an online world. The distance between these two realities might be closer than first imagined.
The online dating industry does not exist for your happiness; it exists to prolong the search. The online/app dating industry is worth 10 billion dollars and is expected to almost double in the next 10 years. With 40% of that market being in America, you must understand and be ready to connect with young adults and singles on this issue.
Healthy online/app dating is not dating online at all. It’s best used as a connection to an in-person relationship. Matthew 23:28 addresses being one way to others and acting completely different when they’re not around. Dating apps aren’t the only solution; treat them as tools to see people you would otherwise not engage with. Take time praying, educating, and learning from those dating to be ready to offer advice.
So, is church then the answer to dating? Should we have speed dating events? The church is where we gather to be in the presence of the Lord, worshiping, growing, serving, fellowshipping, and making disciples. When we stray from the Great Commandment and Great Commission, we risk becoming a “market” to those looking to date. They come looking for possibilities to date, not opportunities to encounter the living God. Keep your church focused on making disciples; along the way, like-minded followers may take the next step in their relationships.
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Dr. PJ Dunn serves the Georgia Baptist Mission Board as a Discipleship consultant. This commentary first appeared on Lifeway Research.
