March 23, 2025
I always learn something when I go to a funeral service, a memorial service, a celebration of life service. It certainly helps me to get in touch with my mortality; and most of the time, gives me a glimpse of eternity.
However, my wife and I drove to Eufaula, Alabama recently to attend the memorial service for Alice Fay Parker, the wife of Herman Parker, who served as the pastor of First Baptist Church in Bremen for over 30 years.
The Parkers were married for more than 60 years and served as exemplary individuals and as the consummate married couple.
Fay was a witty, personable, energetic, lovely lady and a great helpmate to her husband. However, about ten years ago Fay, who consistently made her way to Eufaula to care for her grandchildren, called her husband on the way home and had lost her way. Herman had to keep her on the phone and provide accurate directions to ensure that she arrived safely.
Not long thereafter the Parkers were in Indianapolis for the Southern Baptist Convention and during the night Fay unknowingly left the hotel room to go to the restroom, but opened the door to the hallway, wandered down the corridor and didn’t remember the room number that would allow her to successfully return to the room she left. When Herman realized that she was not in the hotel room, he went on a quest to find her.
These two mishaps marked the beginning of Fay’s Alzheimer’s Disease. Most of us know of someone, perhaps a family member who suffers from some kind of dementia. Fay did not choose to suffer with this debilitating illness. Most of us would hope and pray that our minds will outlive our bodies.
The person suffering with Alzheimer’s has an illness that is far more than simple forgetfulness. It is a progressive, degenerative, and incurable brain disorder than ends in death. Alzheimer’s is the seventh leading cause of death in the United States.
A person suffering with Alzheimer’s Disease may have trouble sleeping, become irritable, withdraw emotionally and can begin to find it difficult to function on their own. They eventually start to disregard the usual social boundaries and say or do inappropriate things. As the disease progresses it can result in impulsive behavior and those affected can even find it impossible to identify their dearest family members and friends.
Caregivers will likely face all kinds of adversity in seeking to assist their loved one or patient. As the disease becomes more critical, the caregivers must bring the qualities of godly patience, heavenly creativity and divine strength to the task of serving the one whose illness is becoming more pronounced.
I do not know this, but it is likely that Herman Parker retired earlier than he had intended to devote more time to the care of his precious wife. I do know that he postponed his personal medical attention and delayed a knee replacement to devote himself to his precious wife.
He told me that when they stood at the altar of marriage more than 60 years ago, he promised to love and care for Fay until they were parted by death. Those who know Herman Parker know that his character is impeccable and that he is a man of his word. Yes, there came a time when he had no alternative but to secure help to assist him with his care of Fay, but he was there with her to love and support her when she did not know who he was. He also kept her at home to honor a promise he had made to her.
Herman’s devotion to his wife reminds me of a man I met while preaching in a revival in St. George, South Carolina several years ago. I met a man there who invited me to go out with him to dinner. I agreed; and he said that we would need to go at 3:00 o’clock. He picked me up at the hotel, we went to a restaurant and had our meal.
While we were eating, he said, “I am sure you are wondering why I asked you to have dinner with me at such an unusual time. It is because I have dinner with my wife every evening at 5:00. She is in a nursing home. There is no way I can take care of her, because she needs constant medical care. She doesn’t know who I am, but I go to that nursing home, and I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with her every day, seven days a week.”
I asked, “Why would you do that if she doesn’t know who you are?”
He replied, “She doesn’t know me, but I go because I know her, and I love her more than I ever have.”
The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
As we age there is an increasing likelihood that a spouse will need to care for his/her life partner. May we remember the vows that we made before God “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part.”
By the way, there is a happy ending to this story. Fay Parker was a devout Christian. She is now in heaven and one of the greatest benefits of heaven is that we will know even as we are known (I Corinthians 13:12). That sounds like omniscience to me.
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J. Gerald Harris is a retired pastor and journalist who served as editor of The Christian Index for nearly two decades. You can reach him at gharris@loveliftedmehigher.org.
